It was a summers afternoon as I took a nap in the bedroom, I didn’t remember drifting off to sleep before finding myself walking beside someone, other than an all-white environment, there was a tall gentleman wearing a white tunic, he had long blonde hair and beard, his mannerism was gentle, speaking softly he delivers me a warning, “if you continue down this path they will use everything against you” it wasn’t clear what he was speaking of, but I had my suspicions, the warning was familiar to that of the film, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, so I assumed the other option would have been to join forces with those causing me the problems, and the underlying root cause of all the unpleasantries from my youth, I was unhappy, unfulfilled, I just wanted to be left alone, to start afresh, or die.
Neither of his options appealed to me, I turn my head to respond, but I can only see as much of his identity as my peripheral vision would allow, I say to him, “We have come this far” assuming we were in this together, no more is said, and I awake, but not in my bed, instead, I had awoken in an abyss of darkness, I could see nothing, there was absolute nothingness, only the consciousness of myself and the complete silence, but I felt peace, it was the most peaceful I had felt in years, shortly after acknowledging this, I hear his gentle voice again, “David, Wake up” as he hits the words, wake-up, my lungs fill deeply with air as I sit up like a catapult in my bed, my eyes ping wide open finding myself in my sun-filled bedroom.
This was the first lucid dream after many years I can still remember, other than my childhood experiences, dreams were something I forgot within minutes of awakening, but this became a memory, it’s been fifteen years since I had that dream, but it was a slow and painful process before my life began to unravel.
Following up from this was another lucid dream, my hand was taken at a whims notice, I saw nothing other than a feminine hand and arm as we began flying high-and-low, touching multiple coloured balloons which were scattered in the air, that week I had been playing a game of monkey ball on the Xbox, a game I had thoroughly enjoyed too, this dream reminded me of this, we continued in pursuit of the floating balloons, it was the most fun I had felt within a dream, I was laughing with excitement as we continued floating up and down, touching the ballons as we passed, I was happy, the happiest I had felt in a very long time, she begins to ascend higher and higher into the sky, but I start to sense danger in my heart, instinctively I knew if I continued, I wouldn’t return from this dream.
I couldn’t let go “I have to return” I say to the anonymous, fair-skinned lady, I couldn’t leave my wife without a reason. I couldn’t leave my life without an explanation for my suffering, I then awoke in bed feeling refreshed and positively charged.
Sometime later my ex-wife and I took a day trip to Thorpe park with some friends, I was feeling low, possibly recovering from a hangover too, I decide to play a carnival game, tin can toss, with three balls Im doubting my chances of knocking the stacked tins completely off the table, I pull my arm back to take my first throw when everything slows down, bullet-time returns, just as it did during my soft-landing, again, I feel accompanied as my arm pulls back, I feel Im throwing a spear rather than a ball, with my arm extended backwards to its fullest, I thrust my arm forward throwing the ball, simultaneously, this was the point when time returns and speeds up, and with all the thrust and focus my body could muster the ball smashes all the tins completely off the table with a single throw, I was astonished, I couldn’t believe my luck, neither could the guy serving me, the guy restacks the tins allowing me to use the remaining two balls, but nothing came close to the same experience I just had, but I did win a cuddly toy on my first throw, it was a polar bear wearing a cream Thorpe park hoodie, unbeknownst to me the cuddly toy was going to be my comforter during some of my petryfying and lonely experiences still to come.
Naturally I wanted to learn and understand my experiences, my freemason friend and I were on the final day of a charity weekend hosted by Action water sports, We had spent the night with our partners in a shared Tee-pi but he waited until we were alone at the breakfast table, “She has red eyes…like Darth mole from Starwars” I look at him with a perplexed look on my face, I hadn’t told him of my dreams, I told no one, I remain silent, I knew what he was capable of, and I respected he probably knew something I didn’t, but I didn’t want to confirm I knew who he was possibly referring too, and to my frustration of unknowing, my only response was “OK”
How could he know? It was all nonsensical, and to be fair, I was thinking it was just another psychological kick from him to add to the torment, maybe I had told someone without realising it.
Eventually, sometime after the event, his comment made sense to me. I didn’t recall drifting off to sleep that night. It was pitch black, initially, I thought I had the duvet cover over my head until I sensed two people standing behind me with a hand placed on each of my shoulders, shortly after a black hood was lifted, stood in front of me, just over an arm’s reach away was a young, slim, fair-skinned lady with large red saucer-shaped eyes piercing straight at me, I physically jolted with shock!! but I didn’t awake from this so-called dream, how could this be a dream? I’ve never jolted with shock within a dream before and I had a full sense of my presence, I couldn’t run away, nor did I attempt to, if I did, where was I going to run?
She was later worshipped by the Akkadians, Babylonians, and Assyrians under the name Ishtar.
Instead, I apologise for my reaction, “Sorry, but I find you a little intimidating” she acknowledges this, but without a verbal response, she continues to stare at me, she appears to have no eyelids to blink, her face and body are identical to the female, human form, with the exception of her fair, unearthly white skin, which was subtly illuminated, her red eyes had tiny black pupils, the environment we stood in appeared to be an underground cavern or lair with low lighting, similar to the glow of candlelight, but I see no candles or fire torches, but it’s comforting, unexpectedly I feel my heart flutter, this embarrasses me, in return I offer her my hand in the attempt to conceal my embarrassment, to my surprise she offers her hand with acceptance, as I gently hold her hand, I begin to admire her immaculate, long pointed fingernails and flawless skin complexion, complimented by her narrow hands, narrower, petite, but longer than normal, I look up and notice her hair was long, blonde but appeared connected to a hive of something else behind her, something I couldn’t understand, I release her hand but she remains silent, instead she begins to walk to her left while looking at me, I compensate for her movement, in that brief moment I could see there were others stood to my right, at least four more, tall and short they stood with black hoods placed over their heads, their bodies were also cloaked in black too, before anything else is said my hood is replaced over my head from behind which awakens me instantly in my bed, it was a summers morning, the sun was illuminating the bedroom through our cream unlined curtains, I felt so refreshed and clear minded, as if I had been out for a morning walk and returned.
A few days later I find myself back in the same underground lair, this time I don’t remember a hood being lifted, instead the mysterious lady is standing to my right in the distance at a bar, I walk closer to her, she is making me a tall cocktail filling the top with large swirls of whipped cream, I anticipate her placing a cherry on the top for completion, but she doesn’t, instead, she looks at me and gently shrugs her shoulders, the cherry served two purposes, decorative and symbolic, by not placing a cherry on the top, she was suggesting her loss of virginity, at this moment I realise her eyes are no longer large, red or owl-like, they are human, but I was unable to retain her distinctive facial features, these remained hazy upon awakening.
She then moves behind a bar to her right and begins to pour me a new drink into a small crystal glass tumbler, I was unaware of the type of drink she was making, I later learn this be an old fashioned cocktail, but still, no words had been spoken from her, I was reluctant to accept anything for free, I instinctively search my pockets, surprisingly I pull out a wallet filled to the brim with £5 notes, I remove one of the notes to pay for the drink, speaking to me for the first time she urges me with her soft-toned voice “Don’t pay for the drink!” Insinuating there were consequences if I did, was this a constructive-negative?
My mind was stubborn, realising the more I continue to place the money on the bar, the more of a negative and heavier feeling grew within my heart, it felt like a pulling and sinking feeling, but my mind couldn’t resist, I place the money on the bar and let go of the five-pound note, she instantly tries to remedy the situation, I see the note reappear swiftly into my wallet, but it was too late, before I could respond my eyes are attracted to her thin white gown, my eyes focus as I see through the light fabric, seductively allowing me to see her beautiful flat stomach, the bar then shifts to the left as I’m pulled over towards her into an embrace, as I’m looking at her naval, I remember something strange and random my dad had said to me that same week, “it depends on how much love you put into it”
I’m close to her fair skin and flat stomach, I believe I now understood the random advice my dad spoke of, as I attempt to deeply kiss her body, but I feel no passion, I’m then moved down towards her underwear, she is wearing turquoise satin knickers, which I just stare at, she encourages me to move them aside “Go on, I know you want to” but I thought differently of this, something wasn’t right, it didn’t feel natural to me at all, the experience was very different to comprehend, the knickers, if I had moved them aside would have been like opening a spiritual doorway, rather than the curiosity of sexual desire, how could I be expected to love someone deeply who I barely knew? I had so many unanswered questions, why was I going along with this? Who is she? Why is this happening to me? I refuse, “No, something isn’t right”
I’m now pulled back over the bar by a force or entity that remained anonymous, it couldn’t be seen or heard, now I’m standing in the middle of the room looking towards the bar in front of me again when something or someone begins to strip me of an unseen armour at different points on my body, chest, legs, arms and finally it down around my genitals, the removal was intense, it felt like a vortex had been opened forcing me to crouch over as soon as it was snatched off.
Feeling used, I stand up slowly declaring “you can keep that, someone else has already taken that from me” I was referring to my childhood abuse, but none the wiser and feeling awkward I had no option but to return to the stool at the bar and sit, circling behind me she walks out from around the bar, someone places a gown over her from behind in regal like manner, she then sits on a stool and opens a large, hardback book, she then looks towards me, but I’m feeling apprehensive of her, I’m also feeling enticed to view the pages of the book, as I approach I stand to her left, looking at her I then cautiously lower my eyes down at the open pages she had on the bar top, the writing was nothing I had seen before then, there were multiple small symbols, whirlpools and swirls written in thick black on yellowish papyrus like paper, tarnished by the low-candle light environment, my focus is drawn to one of these symbols, its meaning at the time was a mystery to me, she remains silent, whilst she gently continues to look at me.
We remain close to each other, but I begin to feel awkward with her continued silence, I notice there are tables and chairs to the far back of the room, I decide to go and take a seat, as I walk away she speaks from behind me, “I will talk to you” but I don’t turnaround, I respond “OK”, and continue towards the table and chairs, I awake before I reach them.
The following morning I was driving to visit my brother, my wife is sitting in the passenger seat, I see a small white transit van edging out from a road on the left, but for no obvious reason the female driver is in a rage, her window is winded down, I slow down and lower my window to hear her, she is shouting furiously “Why did you give her the money, why did you pay for the drink?!!”
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